The only times I have ever had regrets about not taking action is around my gut feelings and health.
At Christmas time last year, Nahla was a bit off. Nothing major just a few little niggles here and there. Stumbled across a sore on her body or she randomly coughed. Now reminder – Nahla has stage five leukemia, so small things are sometimes, usually, mostly, never small things. But I also know that sometimes I freak out too soon and cause stress within myself.
A huge part of my healing journey with my own kidney failure has been appropriate reactions to symptoms. When I still had the dying organ inside me, the slightest change in body temperature or pain or tiredness meant HUGE ramifications for my health. Once the kidney was removed and I was no longer you know, dying… I had to relearn what normal felt like in my body, but I also had to learn what was scary and what wasn’t.
Being chronically ill for so long, I got exhausted of going to the doctors.
So sometimes, I would talk my symptoms down until I got so sick that I was on the cusp of dying and it was all very dramatically self sabotaging behaviour. This is all going to make sense in a second I promise.
I transferred this pattern onto Nahlas illness. Particularly in the last few years where she hasn’t been so violently unwell and neither have I.
So to circle back to Christmas. Something was just weird. Buuuut I talked myself down. ‘It can’t be that bad…’ ‘We will go for a regular check up once they open again’ ‘It’ll be okay’.
IT WAS NOT OKAY FAM. NO. RED ALERT.
What followed from here was what always followed when I ignored my small little changed within myself. CHAOS. It has taken four months to re-stabilise her, all because I didn’t take action when I knew I should.
Guys – if you have small changes in things, please don’t talk yourself down. Please go to the Doctor. Please. Don’t be me.
Lots of love and reminders to LISTEN to your body.
Sarah x
Things I learnt. 